Some detail:

2018 After a short visit to the UK, I returned to Aotearoa, to my partner and two daughters, after hearing my mother’s last words spoken; “Goodbye.”

Mary Hope, turning from me to face my brother, sighing out her last breathe, died gracefully. I started writing new songs on the piano and haven’t stopped since.

“Having a sudden surge of creativity, I needed to find a way to record the songs I was writing, so it seemed sensible to learn recording methods for myself. Dave Griffiths a known local musician to Whanganui, agreed to teach me how to use Logic Pro and record my music accepting a very small payment. It was going to be lessons for both Adie and me, but it soon became apparent Adie hadn’t the time, he was working hard to make money for us both.

For thirteen years, I had enjoyed teaching in a Kindergarten very much and I loved all the children I worked with. However, over time, who I was, my inner being and my voice, felt squeezed. I needed to come out of that world, my mother’s death was the Catalyst for me to be living as a full time Creative.

Making music doesn’t feel like a probable way to make a living, it feels like a way of being and of expressing from the self. This is what I want to do with the rest of my life, which I learn in many ways is fleeting and I’m grateful to Adie for supporting me with this, he wants to play music too. Motivated and driven to create music in a way that feels so completely new, yet arrives with all my past realised intake, I am very grateful to be supported in following this impulse.

I had to get on with serious intentions toward making an album and releasing songs in order to allow space I felt, for more to come. I began to become impatient and fearful with what felt like, my very slow progress of learning, but I continued to write and was also performing now at the local Musician’s Club.

This venue was and still is, a God’s send for me. A beautiful old Hall to play in, with a relaxed and welcoming vibe. The culture of audience support, is like a wave of warmth, giving encouragement to all performers. Thanks to Johnny Keating, one of the founding organisers of the Musicians Club, who, when I started out, had kind and supportive words to say to me, after I performed.

Nearly two years later, Dave and I stopped working together and I finished the project on my own. I am grateful for all the teaching, help and understanding he gave me.

In an unexpected self sabotaging moment, I deleted nearly all the many copies of reworked recordings I’d ever made from my computer. Thankfully, I had stored a number of them on to an external hard drive but this error highlighted even more to me that it was time to finalise what I had, before the whole endeavour was lost.

I have always felt I was an Artist more than a Musician. I went to Art school, working mainly in video and film as my artistic medium. I would work and rework a piece, not being afraid to, at some point, move on even if the peice could be still better in my mind. Moving on felt part of my artistic process. There is always time to stop and move on.

I had sketch books of music, five completed audible and visible songs. I wasn’t intimidated to let go of some extra songs, because there will always be more songs to work on and improvement happens all the time regardless. Some songs get left as a notion.

Thank you Adie for your unique, emotive, violin playing, and gutsy guitar playing, for your patience, listening, love and continued work in making our living and lives how we like them.

This is my place for sharing. Thank you for engaging with my thinking and music, much appreciated.

A NEW DAWN, A NEW DAY. 2022 January,…after my birthday.

Is that a quote? I love Nina Simone and was lucky enough to see and hear her perform, in the early 90’s in Stratford -upon - Avon I believe it was. She was incredible. I still love her true beingness and her wonderful music. I felt, as we probably all often do, that we, her and I, connected. She saw me in the audience and we knew that we knew the shared present moment at that time, together and we could see the same audience behaviour. I’ve seen this same reaction from people happen with a recent singer I admire, her dedication to her work is superb; Auldous Harding is discovering this unique and crazy honouring as she sits down to perform, tunes her guitar hears her stool creak and the crowd errupt with laughter, sighs of joy at her every movement and word, delighting in anticipation of what is to come; clear admiration. Maybe it’s not so crazy. Nina Simone groaned and said “Why are you clapping I haven’t played yet.” She looked at me “Why are they clapping.” I stared back meeting her question.

For the last half of 2021, Adie and I worked with drummer Michael Peterson rehearsing a set weekly. We managed I think three gigs, the last one being at Porridge Watson in Whanganui before Michael left to study music at Victoria University. We wished him all the best and look forward to seeing him perform in the future.

I approached National Radio. I wrote several times, sending my EP to various reviewers but heard nothing back. I did feel a bit deflated. Naturally and naively perhaps, I hoped someone would listen and like it enough, to play a track or two. I put it on Band camp after very helpful advice from Anthonie Tonnon, whom I approached in a cafe, I don’t think he minded. His LP ‘Leave love out of this’ is very enjoyable listening. I look forward to his next album.

On Band camp I don’t have any followers, nor on Spotify, Youtube etc… into the abyss my EP goes to sit, waiting for it’s future time if ever, to be revisited, whilst I hold it in my heart lovingly as evidence of a beginning. In the meantime, I’m giving a few away to friends and letting go of previous expectations.

Now, it is Adie and I once more, rehearsing alone, together, every day to improve our set to perform and to work toward producing an album, perhaps picking up a bass and drum player along the way. This time, I will be looking for funding to complete this project.

Yesterday I apologised to Adie because I don’t think I trusted him fully until now, with my music. I find it hard to trust anyone and am working on this.

How to deliver my songs is what I have been thinking about.

Dave was passionate about capturing my sound and supporting it completely and when I listen to the EP, I am proud of it, even with and because of it’s sliding slow, slow, rhythm. as in the first track Rockbottom Up, where I wanted it to feel like walking through treacle in the middle part especially. I like the sounds we added and the feel and sense of space that was made, but now with other new songs I am giving Adie the space to do his magic.

Adie is a great musician who understands rhythm in a way I never will… technically, knowledgeably but mainly through a natural sense and appreciation for rhythm. As well as producing grooves from himself and his influences, he has ideas about what will move a song in different directions. I am willing to trust his judgement and skill through this next part of our journey and to give him the space to fully contribute of himself toward my songs.

We’ve been watching the Beatles film. What a great job Peter Jackson did I think, along with the original camera person’s filming footage. There is so much to see and hear, at times laugh with, as well as having revealed to us, the emotions and many possibilities of band member dynamics, which can be relatable to, in so many ways.

The film exposes so vulnerably, individual battles with the ego self, and love and conflict between each person and their musicality. Then there is great art of musicianship unfolding right in front of our eyes. I love watching a song being born. For a musician this film is gold in terms of learning.

I’ve only watched part one! Cant wait to watch the next part tonight.

Also at the beginning of this year, I thank my youngest daughter for helping me with my Instagram page. I am of the generation who grew up with no social media, being amazed when calculators the size of a brick arrived, who witnessed a colour tv coming into our home, who lived in a time of circle dial phones and phone operators, one of whom called my parents to tell them that I had been on the phone, having accepted a reverse charge call, talking to a friend for over 45 minutes and she thought they should know. This probably doesn’t make sense to many young people now, but I thought it was pretty mean at the time of her to tell on me.

I’m excited for the future generation and the amazing technology that has arrived so fast for them, as long as young people can keep touch with nature and the natural world around them, all will be well. In fact secretly I hope their senses alert them to the fact that something is not humanly right and they turn toward a new way of communicating with each other, may be meeting on the street face to face. (not quite here yet)

So here I am at the end of 2022. Adie and I have been working with drummer Daryl Jones and bass player Ross Laurie. We rehearse every week and have been for a good six months. We are performing in local venues and this is going very well. I am learning heaps as we all are I think.

My excitement and learning being that I really do love and can perform well, sharing my words and self and playing an instrument, the keyboard. I had a nightmare performance playing the piano at school which did work into my doubting mind for a long time however I have reached the age where I am okay with myself, yes I am a late developer as my mother always said, I am soon to be sixty years old. So be it, this is my time. This is where I can be me.

I am also pleased to know I can continue to write songs. We have twenty five workable finished performable songs that make a two hour set and I add to them on a regular basis. I always compose the songs at the piano and then move them to the keyboard with rehearsals.

Sadly our drummer Daryl does not want to perform outside of Whanganui. He does not want to go where I want to go with my music. I thought I had been clear what I want to achieve with it when he asked to play with us, however this seems not to be the case. So whilst we continue to perform here we are also putting out a search for another drummer. …we have one or two in mind.

2023. It’s happened, my 60th birthday and our gig at Porridge Watson. A great night with great supporting audience; great vibe feeling good and learning lots.

Watching and listening to Rick Rubin, what a gift.